#23 English Grammar Mistakes

English grammar confuses many people. The following is a list of genuine, real-life responses to exam questions involving English grammar. These examples come from Funny English Errors, a book of unconscious humour, to be published later this year.

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• Q. Define the first person. A. Adam.
• Punctuate means to make a hole in the tyre of a bicycle.
• Metaphor: a thing you shout through.
• Simile: a picturesque way of saying what you really mean, such as calling your mother an old trout.
• The feminine of Bull: Mrs Bull.
• The parts of speech: lungs and air.
• Verb: something to eat.
• Adverb: The horses run fastly. This is an adverb.
• Abstract noun: something you can’t see when you are looking at it.
• Abstract noun: the name of something which has no existence, as goodness.
• Abstract noun: something we can think of but cannot feel — as a red-hot poker.
• Example of a collective noun: a flock of cattle.
• Example of a collective noun: a garbage can.
• Conjunction: the place where 2 railway lines meet.
• Imperfect tense: used in France to express a future action in past time which does not take place at all.
• All sentences are either simple or confound.
• Passive voice: Q. Correct the sentence — “It was me that has broken the window”. A. “It wasn’t me that has broken the window”.
• Spelling (an English teacher’s comment on a student’s essay): A dictionery would solve your spelling problems.