Alternative Vocabulary: Words Defined by School Children lists 35 words as defined by school children. Some of the definitions may fairly be described as blunders; but others are wonderfully imaginative. All are genuine. The definitions were given by children in real-life essays and examinations. These real-life student howlers come from the forthcoming book, Funny English Errors.
The student howlers probably raise some serious issues, such as: What processes are going on in the minds of children who make these howlers? Do the mistakes that children make say anything about the best methods of teaching — for example, should teachers use visual means in conjunction with verbal instruction? Whatever the serious points, the following list is, for present purposes, provided merely for your enjoyment.
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Amateur: A very good person in sports
- Apples: The bubbles that apple trees blow
- Author: A person who has lost both father and mother
- Boomerang: A species of the baboon family
- Cadet: A boy who carries golf clubs
- Cereals: Films shown at pictures, and which last 15 weeks
- Chaos: A great pile of nothing and no place to put it in
- Chivalry: When you feel cold
- Civil war: When each side gives way a little
- Cynical: A cynical lump of sugar is one pointed at the top
- Dead heat: Anything in such a raging heat that it would kill you
- Etc: A sign used to make believe you know more than you do
- Etiquette: The noise you make when you sneeze
- Gargoyle: Often seen on people’s necks
- Heraldry: Journalism
- Hypothesis: Something that happens to a man after death
- Ignition: The art of not noticing
- Income: A yearly tax
- Inconsistent: Means like tHiS
- Individual: One piece of people
- Inter alia: Something in the ale
- Irony: A substance found in mineral waters
- Lie: An aversion to the truth
- Net: Holes tied together by string
- Parasite: A type of umbrella
- Pensive: Cheap
- Perspiration: When the heat makes you cry all over
- Plagiarist: A writer of plays
- Preposterous: a child born after his father’s death
- Quorum: Another word for quandary. It happens at meetings.
- Soviet: The little cloth we use in our laps at the dinner table
- Spectre: A man who cheers a football team
- Transparent: Something you can see through — for instance, a keyhole
- Snow: Rain, all popped out white
- Snow: Like a box of breakfast food turned upside down only the flakes are white instead of tan
- Stars: The moon’s eggs